Broken

I feel broken.

I don't know. I'm trying so hard to be the best. I want to be a good servant, a good daughter, a good friends and a good person but I'm far from it.

I hate it when people misjudge me whenever I care about them. It's really hurt when you try to comfort someone but end up hurting them. I'm not mean it. But I guess that's what I'm good at.

I really have trust issues. I'm so sorry if you think I being distant or having secret that you don't know about. It's just I feel hurt. I'm scared if I let you in, you will hurt me. But then, even though I'm not let you in  I already feel broken.

I try to be the best. I try to improve myself but it's seems like I don't.

I really don't need people acceptance but when it comes to you, I need it. You are important to me. My circle are important to me. But seems I'm not really important to them.

I always ask people if I have offend, hurt or do something they dislike before because I want to change for better. I want to be good people to them where they can lean on. Maybe, that's why I'm hurting. They always didn't say the truth instead they talk behind my back. And my insecurities? It's grow bigger and bigger each day. I don't blame them though. I blame myself.

I realize even though I keep the circle small, they still toxic to me. No, I make themselves toxic to me. I think I better distance myself from them. I think I know where I'm standing. I am never enough.

What they did to me making me hate myself even more. But I guess I understand why they treat me like that. I gotta walk away from people and be alone.

No matter how much I care about people, no matter how much I love them, to be always be there for them. I never enough. I am not enough.

I'm so sorry for everything I did to you. I wish everyone happiness. I will not keep in contact with anyone unless they want me to.

It's just, I'm hurting for to long.